It Ain’t Funny

All this political tension in D.C. has tied most Americans up in knots. What’s true and what’s not? Boy, that’s a tough one to answer. All I know for certain is that the political tension is high and hot, and it gets higher and hotter daily.

I’m a pretty serious guy and I don’t really laugh a lot. But in the past when I’ve been so stretched from having so many things going wrong at the same time, I learned that finding a thing or two to laugh at or laugh about, that laughter has a way of easing some of the tension. A heart attack in 2016 made me even more aware of the good a few hearty laughs can do.

In that, I discovered that finding ways to laugh at myself helps me with the stress/tension stuff too. In that kind of laughter I learned to not take myself seriously all the time, and that helps even more. We need to laugh at others WHILE we laugh at ourselves.

There can be NO better time than now to find some comedy in politics in Washington. And there are surely a lot of things and folks to point fingers at and laugh a bit. So in the interest of mental health and curbing stress related heart attacks, let’s laugh at some of those funnies we have been watching in the last few months and even the last few years as life in Washington has played out on a national stage. Let’s get started:

Things you Probably Won’t Hear in Washington

(Secretary Hillary Clinton to Monica Lewinsky): “Monica, the family’s going to spend a few weeks at Martha’s Vineyard. Since you are so close to us, why don’t you plan on joining us there?”

(Chelsea Clinton to Monica Lewinsky): “Monica, you’re like family to me. I’m getting married soon. I’m begging you to be my Maid of Honor.”

(Bill Clinton via phone while Hillary is flying overseas): “Hillary, I’ve lost my phone book. Do you still have Monica’s and Paula’s numbers? We’re going to play Yahtzee here this weekend and I want to know they’re both welcome to stop by.”

(President Trump to Maxine Waters): “Congresswoman, can you give me some hints on finding really good wigs. I’m tired of the comb-over and I think I’m just gonna grab the razor and go the wig route. It really works well for you.”

(Congressman Adam Schiff to Congressman Devin Nunez): “Na-Na-Na-Boo-Boo! My memo’s bigger than your memo!”

(Hillary to James Comey): “Jim, I’m about to be charged with lying to the FBI and a bunch of other stuff. Since you are so proficient at getting away with lying under oath, and you’re out of work, AND you’re such good friends with Special Counsel Mueller, would you represent me when I testify?”

(President Trump to Rosie O’Donnell) “We’re throwing a big barbecue on the South Lawn for a group of Cajuns from Breaux Bridge, Louisiana. They call it a “Cochon de Lait,” we call it a “Pig Roast.” I couldn’t help but think about you. Can you join us?”

(Hillary to Special Counsel Robert Mueller) “The closest I ever came to interfacing with a Russian was talking to a guy named Oleg I met trolling the internet on a website www.Ruskystuds.com.”

(President Trump to Chuck Schumer) “Senator, we’re screening the remake of the movie ‘Sleepless in Seattle’ and would love for you to join us at the White House. Oh, would you bring an extra box or two of Kleenex with you? You’ll probably need them.”

(President of John Deere to Nancy Pelosi) “Congresswoman, John Deere has built a special edition riding mower we want to present to you for your brilliant plan to stop illegal border crossings by keeping the grass at the border mowed all the time. It’s  the first John Deere “DTE” riding mower — the “Dump Trump Edition.”

(God to Joy Behar) “I really DO talk to Vice President Mike Pence. I try to talk to you all the time too, but you never shut up long enough to hear me.”

(Michelle Obama to Melania Trump) “Hey Mel, the girls in South Chicago and me would love for you to stop by and teach us a class on haute couture.” (high fashion)

(Jerry Falwell, Jr. — President of Liberty University — to Michael Moore) “Please accept our invitation for you to come to Lynchburg to do a weekly lecture on ‘The importance of honoring those in authority over us,’ pertaining specifically to the duly elected President of the United States.”

(Melania Trump to Chelsea Handler) “Donald and I would love for you to do a standup comedy routine at the White House for our upcoming state dinner with French President Emmanuelle Macron and his wife Brigitte. They dearly love how you denigrate political leaders and how it makes people laugh.”

Summary

Not much meat in today’s offering. But why does everyday have to be so meaty after all? Our lives are pretty full with  the “real meat” that churns in our guts all day everyday. Let’s relax a little — and laugh!

If you’ve got a few — and I’m sure you do — that we can laugh at, post them in the “Comments” section and let’s chuckle a bit. One thing is certain: there will be plenty of stressful tidbits we see and hear this week coming from D.C.

We can stand a few laughs, for sure.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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